New worst book ever: Derpy Dirk

Derpy Dirk and the Fight With the School Bully by the Flagpole at Lunch — A (NOT FOR KIDS) Derp Sandwich Chapter Book by Derp Sandwich

I’m going to be honest.  I did not read this book because it stirred any interest in me.  I downloaded this book because I thought my eldest step-daughter had mentioned it.  I thought it could be a bonding moment discussing the book with her, a book that only she and I had read.  Well, she did know of the series, but she had read The Dork Diaries series, not this “stuff”.

I’ve read a lot of books in my life, and my to-read list is ever growing.  Books are my crack.  Want me to be happy?  Take me to a book store.  Let me read in peace if I am just completely enthralled with a book.  Let me introvert, book-nerd in.  That said, I’ve also read some books I just don’t like: Dracula, Great Expectations, 1984, etc.  I know others really enjoy these books, and I encourage everyone to find their reading niche.  I must draw the line at this book.


I know this is not meant to be a serious book.  Even knowing that, this is the worst book I’ve ever read period.  The fact that someone got PAID to write this astounds me.  I can write better and have decided to.  If that crap can be published, then I will be one day too.  I might not ever be able to make a living from it, but I will have contributed something worthwhile to the literary world.

DO.NOT.READ.THIS.BOOK.  You will regret wasting your time on it.

Derpy Dirk and the Fight With the School Bully by the Flagpole at Lunch — A (NOT FOR KIDS) Derp Sandwich Chapter Book by Derp Sandwich

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I’d hate to see her PMSing

“Should your naughty new neighbors resist your suggestions, invite them over to see your new media room. The fact that it doubles as a torture chamber should encourage them to toe the line!”

-Josie Brown, The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook

Killer quote, don’t you think?

Each chapter starts out with a lovely assassin tidbit.  It fit the book perfectly.

The first chapter had me questioning if I was going to enjoy the book.  It didn’t flow right to me, so I had trouble focusing on it.  Once past the first chapter, I was enjoying the book and trying to figure out the twists and turns.  It got kind of stressful when I realized I didn’t know who was actually on what team, despite my thinking ahead, but that was quickly resolved.  From there on out, it was an enjoyable read once more.

The story is told from Donna’s POV.  Donna, housewife turned assassin, wife turned lover turned wife turned lover turned lover?  Just go with it.  She’s complicated and human, but that just makes the book come alive more to the reader.

This is book one of the series.  I’m not sucked in the series, but if I happen to chance upon more in the series, I’d read them.

The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook by Josie Brown

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Hide yo nickels! Hide yo dimes!

“It’s not how much money you make, it’s how much money you spend, that matters.”

-Anna Florin, Living on a Shoestring (Common Sense Ways to Save Money)

This was a filler I read on my phone when I would have a few minutes here and there.  Enough to read, not something I’d get sucked into and keep reading when I couldn’t keep reading.  I want to budget better, so why not take advantage of this free book?

That being said, I was completely with the book for the first 3/4 of it.  There were some valid points indeed.  This did get me thinking budget-wise on some things.  Not to be a spoiler, but that quote above is the best thought in the book.

Originally I was going to keep this filler book to reread to help with budgeting, but once it got to the end, I was disturbed.  I’m still disturbed, which is part of the reason this has been delayed.  And I will not be keeping this book, free or not.

The last 1/4 of the book or so goes into areas some people are ok with but I’m not.  We’ll start with the second, as I find it more gross and creepy: dumpster diving.  I’ve watched Taboo specials on it, I’ve heard about it, but unless the world goes nuts and zombies are around or flying monkeys, etc. I’m not doing it.  You have no idea what is in there and what you could get from being in said dumpster.  I don’t even dig through my own dern trash unless it is for a very valid cause, I am not about to dig through others’ unless my families’ lives are on the line.  We all have our lines.  My husband and children starving, you are damn right I’ll be in that dumpster.  To save money, that would be a big ole resounding HECK NO.  I will pass.

What really got me though is still creeping me out days later.  I called my grandmother who gets my quirky sense of humor and made her promise this wouldn’t happen if I died before her.  Under no circumstances is anyone in my family TO MAKE MY COFFIN.  I don’t care how pretty they can engrave it.  NO, JUST NO.  I realize they used to make them in the old days.  The earth hugger in me realizes some coffins are better for Mother Earth than others.  The unreasonable part of me absolutely cannot handle the thought of my family making my coffin nor me any of theirs.  I would rather just be buried without a coffin than that (I already pointed out this was my unreasonable side).  The dumpster diving would have grossed me out but not ruined the book.  This section creeped me and and is still creeping me out.  I will give it that much credit–it’s still got me thinking, just not about a budget.

Read it if you want.  Overall, it isn’t bad and it is a quick, easy read.  It’s the ending that got me.

And now I’m quickly getting that book off my phone.

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Life’s little echoes

“Everything that’s worth having is some trouble…”

-L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

Could truer words be spoken?  The story might be fictional, but the words are true.

After the catastrophe of Dracula, I needed more mental fun fluff.  I enjoyed the first book in this series, Anne of Green Gables, that I had already downloads several more books in the series when I found them for free.  Anne of Avonlea is the second book in the series.  It is a delightfully written as the first.

It’s an easy read.  Some stuff is predictable, other stuff leaves you wondering what is going to happen next.  It’s interesting to see Anne growing up, still getting into some mischief, but also witnessing Davy getting into his own.  She understands but doesn’t.  Her eyes are slowly opening to adulthood, but she is still a child, whimiscal and fun.  You see love developing through Anne’s eyes, though her mind isn’t consciously aware of romance for herself yet.

I love this book.  I kept this on my iPad mini to reread when the mood strikes.  It’s fun, lighthearted, entertaining.  I hope my children discover this series while they are young instead of in their 30s such as myself.  This is on my favorites shelf permanently.

Anne of Avonlea by L. M. Montgomery

(Book 2 of Anne of Green Gables series)

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